By John McDonnell
“This is a wicked good steak,” Joey said. “Where’d ya get this meat, Angie?”
“You like it?”
“I love it. I never tasted nothing like it.”
“I got it from the supermarket. They have a new butcher in the meat department. He’s such a cute guy, blonde wavy hair, ice blue eyes. And so helpful. The kind of guy who really listens to a girl, and tries to help her out. Anyway, he has the best meat.”
“Yeah, well, that’s good, Angie. I’m glad you found a new friend. Now, listen, I’m gonna tell you something, but I don’t want you to cry. I hate it when you cry.”
“What’s that, Joey?
“I got a new girlfriend. Her name’s Honey, and she has a body on her like a damn Mack truck. I mean, she has curves on top of her curves. She has skin like, you could bounce a quarter off it.”
“You used to say that about me, Joey.”
“I can’t help it, Angie, I’m in love with her. You’re not crying are you?”
“I’m not crying, Joey.”
“That’s a switch. You always cry when I tell you about a new girlfriend.”
“I’m over that, Joey. I mean, after the 200th time, a girl gets used to it. Well, maybe not used to it, so much. You want another piece of steak?”
“Yeah, sure. This is the best meat I ever had. So what was it you were saying?”
“Nothing, just that I decided crying don’t do no good. I mean, what good did it ever do me to cry about you cheating on me on our wedding night? Or the time when I was in the hospital after my car accident, and you couldn’t come to see me right away because you had a date?”
“Angie, I told you, I promised that girl I’d take her out. I didn’t want to break a promise.”
“I know, I know. Here’s your steak. Good, isn’t it?”
“Better than the first one. I better finish this fast, though. I gotta date with Honey tonight. Funny thing, she hasn’t answered her cell phone all day.”
“I’m sure she’ll turn up eventually, Joey.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“Now, here’s a nice little salad I made you.”
“Angie, you know I don’t like salad.”
“Joey, it’s good for you. You don’t eat enough salad. Besides, I fixed this one special.”
“Yeah, looks like you put some crazy new vegetables in it. What are these things, anyway. They look like little pink carrots, except -- what the? Is this a finger? What is this, a joke? It’s a joke, right? And wait, is this a ring? Oh my god, that’s the ring I just gave Honey!”
“Remember that nice butcher I told you about? Well, it turns out he’s a whiz with a knife. Oh, I’m sorry, Joey. Was there something wrong with the meat? You look like you have an upset stomach, sweetie. You’re turning all green.”
THE END
Copyright John McDonnell, 2010. All rights reserved.
So that's why she wasn't crying. Getting revenge is much better anyway. Good story!
ReplyDelete"she has a body on her like a damn Mack truck"
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine the eating disorders the compliment would cause, taken out of context.
Oooh! That gave me the jibblies! Very nicely done! The "I didn't want to break a promise" line cracked me up!
ReplyDeleteIs it wrong that I really fancy a steak, now?
ReplyDeleteAbout the story, though: I like the twist but I did see it coming from the start - but that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's very satisfying to have your expectations fulfilled - makes you feel clever for working it out, you know? Good use of dialogue to characterize, although some of the dialogue itself wasn't all that realistic. Something to work on?
Fun story, now where's my butcher's knife...
So human meat doesn't taste like chicken, then. :)
ReplyDeleteI also laughed at the didn't want to break a promise line! And John brought up a good point: a woman would not think being compared to a mack truck such a good thing, HAHA!
What's going to happen to Joey now, I wonder.
Funnily enough, I have decided not to have steak for dinner! Great story.
ReplyDeletehahahaha! I always knew people steak would be amazing ;-)
ReplyDeleteFun post!
~2
looks like we both had meat on the brain this week ;-)
Too funny, and quite satisfying in a shameful way. :)
ReplyDeleteLove this story.
Thank you all! I guess I did telegraph the ending, but as louise said, it's sometimes fun for the reader to know where the story is going right from the beginning, and just enjoy the journey. This was fun to write, and it did give me an appetite for steak (blush).
ReplyDeleteAh, revenge. ;)
ReplyDeleteI think a brick house might be better than a mack truck, but I got a kick out of this!
I liked the voice of the characters. A lot!
ReplyDeleteAnd your pace was lightning-quick.
Good job, John!