Friday, July 9, 2010

Prime Cut, a #fridayflash story

By John McDonnell

“This is a wicked good steak,” Joey said. “Where’d ya get this meat, Angie?”

“You like it?”

“I love it. I never tasted nothing like it.”

“I got it from the supermarket. They have a new butcher in the meat department. He’s such a cute guy, blonde wavy hair, ice blue eyes. And so helpful. The kind of guy who really listens to a girl, and tries to help her out. Anyway, he has the best meat.”

“Yeah, well, that’s good, Angie. I’m glad you found a new friend. Now, listen, I’m gonna tell you something, but I don’t want you to cry. I hate it when you cry.”

“What’s that, Joey?

“I got a new girlfriend. Her name’s Honey, and she has a body on her like a damn Mack truck. I mean, she has curves on top of her curves. She has skin like, you could bounce a quarter off it.”

“You used to say that about me, Joey.”

“I can’t help it, Angie, I’m in love with her. You’re not crying are you?”

“I’m not crying, Joey.”

“That’s a switch. You always cry when I tell you about a new girlfriend.”

“I’m over that, Joey. I mean, after the 200th time, a girl gets used to it. Well, maybe not used to it, so much. You want another piece of steak?”

“Yeah, sure. This is the best meat I ever had. So what was it you were saying?”

“Nothing, just that I decided crying don’t do no good. I mean, what good did it ever do me to cry about you cheating on me on our wedding night? Or the time when I was in the hospital after my car accident, and you couldn’t come to see me right away because you had a date?”

“Angie, I told you, I promised that girl I’d take her out. I didn’t want to break a promise.”

“I know, I know. Here’s your steak. Good, isn’t it?”

“Better than the first one. I better finish this fast, though. I gotta date with Honey tonight. Funny thing, she hasn’t answered her cell phone all day.”

“I’m sure she’ll turn up eventually, Joey.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Now, here’s a nice little salad I made you.”

“Angie, you know I don’t like salad.”

“Joey, it’s good for you. You don’t eat enough salad. Besides, I fixed this one special.”

“Yeah, looks like you put some crazy new vegetables in it. What are these things, anyway. They look like little pink carrots, except -- what the? Is this a finger? What is this, a joke? It’s a joke, right? And wait, is this a ring? Oh my god, that’s the ring I just gave Honey!”

“Remember that nice butcher I told you about? Well, it turns out he’s a whiz with a knife. Oh, I’m sorry, Joey. Was there something wrong with the meat? You look like you have an upset stomach, sweetie. You’re turning all green.”


Copyright John McDonnell, 2010. All rights reserved.